Nigella (Lawson; we're on first name terms, don't you know?) says that making your own muffins can be really easy and even quite comforting. Clearly she's never been in my kitchen. I'm not as messy as I once was but things do get pretty chaotic at times. I guess it's a calm and controlled chaos and that's okay because an hour later I'll be sitting on the sofa surfing the internet with a coffee and a muffin. However much fun Nigella is to watch (for a 22-year old man, ahem) I'm not a fan of her muffin recipe (sorry!) and I think I've found one better. These muffins are an edited version of the Blueberry Crumble muffins from the Ottolenghi cookbook. You should definitely try it!

Ingredients
270g plain flour
2 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
170g caster sugar
70g melted butter (unsalted)
190ml milk
zest of half an orange
1 Granny Smith apple (unpeeled and diced)
90g of blueberries
a crumble mixture (flour, ground almonds, brown sugar and butter)

Method
Sift the flour, baking powder and salt and set to the side. Whisk the eggs, sugar and melted butter in a separate bowl and slowly work in the milk. Add the zest and the fruit to the egg mixture. Tip in the flour and mix as few times as possible (until it's all incorporated but still quite lumpy). Preheat the oven to 170C. Spoon the batter into muffin cases (that are held with a muffin tin) and nearly to the top. This should make 8 muffins. Scatter the crumble on top generously and bake for 30 minutes or until golden and increased in size. Cool on a wire rack and then boil some water for your coffee. Yum.

Something about the term superfood really grates me.  I mean I've never imagined a blueberry in a cape or an avocado ridding the world of all tyranny. Sure, I believe in the power of consuming foods that are nutritionally good for us, but this talk of foods we must be consuming (and buying at a premium) to rid ourselves from potential ailment and disease doesn't sit well with me. I do believe there is a relationship, if not direct correlation, between diet and health (physical and mental) and we shouldn't sneer at sound advice. The term superfood (as used in marketing terms) is just used as leverage by the supermarkets and suppliers to charge an exorbitant amount for something that was 50% cheaper last year and it's my belief that this isn't sound advice.

Okay, so this is clearly fuelled by demand and supply, but this illusory demand has been created by the media and their shit-mongers. I'm here to give you a piece of really good advice. You don't need to spend £10 on goji berries or have a shot of aloe vera before breakfast. No, what you need in your life is...brace yourself...you might have heard this before...it's...balance! Oh how simple was that? Eat your greens, don't fry everything, switch to using rapeseed (canola) oil, make sure you get some fibre, drink plenty of water and exercise once in a while. There's also no problem in treating yourself every now and then so don't feel bad about it. To both completely remove the shackles of faux-nutritionists and parody the superfood ideal, I've used blueberries in my version of a shortbread tart (and topped them with clotted cream). You could alternatively make biscuits out of this recipe by rolling the dough and baking it on a flat tray. Either way I hope you enjoy this. Bon appetit!

Ingredients
150g plain flour
25g rice flour
50g sugar
100g good quality butter
100g of blueberry jam
50g of clotted cream
a few blueberries to decorate

Method

Mix the two flours, the sugar and the butter in a bowl by hand. You want to form the ingredients into a dough that just about sticks together (hence the term short). If it's not quite right you can use a splash of water or milk to get it there. Refrigerate the dough for half an hour before diving into equal sized balls. Grease a muffin tin and place one ball in each mould (should make about 12) before pressing down in the centre and working to the sides of the muffin tin (so you have a hollow muffin base shape out of the dough). Bake until golden at 180-200C making sure to prick the bases with a fork every 3 or so minutes to stop the dough from expanding. Cool on a wire rack before filling each shortbread base with a tablespoon of super-duper blueberry jam and a teaspoon of clotted cream. You could use any other kind of jam if you aren't convinced by the muscles of the humble blueberry - I think apricot is pretty damn delicious. Make yourself a pot of tea and have some fun.